The first time we met I hardly noticed her, head addled by whatever dry burgundy I could use to wet my gullet. She was sitting perfectly on the sofa with a friend, seemingly interested only by the shiny objects in her purse & unfazed by mine & Noah's presence. She was reserved in her speech. I knew she would never talk to me… not that I required conversation. The night traversed rather uneventfully and we went our separate ways. I would probably never see her again.
Just a few short weeks later, a few of my closest ninja friends and I arrived at the same house I had met her at previously, but this time for a Halloween party - our objective? Why, to imbibe whatever we could get our sinning hands on, of course. And she was there. She looked absolutely breathtaking, costumed as a school teacher. A very sexy school teacher. I was ready for anything. I had my guitar, my nun chucks... Our paths crossed a few times early in the night, but taking the next step and actually speaking to her hadn’t occurred to me until later in the evening. Sitting outside in the grass, I strummed some pretty chords, subliminally ensuring the volume was ever so slight enough to find her ears. Not to show off or anything of the sort… I only found this indirect form of communication more comfortable than actual human contact at the time. I knew she would never talk to me. And even if she did, I knew it would only be a short matter of time before my eccentricities scared her off.
She spent much of the night indoors chatting up her friends… smiling, laughing & sitting cross legged on the sofa from time to time, while my guitar and I were content outside. She made sure to grace the brisk night air every so often... as if to let me know she was only a short distance away. But I knew she wasn't interested.
I continued to make soft music in the grass despite the autumn air numbing my fingertips, but I was soon curbed by the presentation of an urgent & sudden need to urinate. Most people have felt it… the impeding fullness of a bladder never large enough to keep the pace of an infinitely thirsty mouth, making every step to the restroom more painful and closer to pissing yourself than the last. In my fragile state I could have very easily let it all go, but that is exactly the right way to draw the wrong type of attention to oneself, especially from the ladies. The trip from the back yard to the restroom seemed to take much longer than normal. But I reached my destination & everything came out just fine, as usual. I exited the bathroom only to find an angel on the sofa… enjoying a grape flavored hard candy on a stick. I was very nervous to speak to such a beautiful lady, but I just had to. She asked me to sit down in the chair next to the sofa she was sitting in. I sat. I presented to her a small collection of pleasantries followed by a short quiz of sorts, which I would use for my own nefarious purposes. She wasn't drinking, as everyone else was. This puzzled & compelled me to investigate further. I had an unexplainable feeling that this girl was different from all the others here on planet Earth. She offered to share her lollipop with me, which damn near stopped my beating heart. As I tasted the grape candy surface, a chill went through my body imagining what it would be like to kiss her lips.
Snap out of it!
I returned the lollie to her and went outside to catch my breath. I still knew beyond the shadow of a doubt, that she couldn't possibly be interested in me…
Again strumming some of those... pretty little chords, I watched from outside as the party began to thin out & die down. She came out to light herself on the oversized trampoline outside. She & I were the only ones in the back yard now. I would hate myself for not seizing the opportunity to talk to her, so I climbed onto the trampoline & lain down next to her, leaving some space between us to use as a buffer to cushion her from my own precarious intentions. My nervous and inescapably awkward demeanor mixed with the cold air to augment my shivering bones. She offered her sweater to share with me as a blanket. This feeling was the best I'd had in years. Many innocent words were exchanged, overwhelming us with giggles & laughter. She had me giddy as a little school boy, whatever that feels like… I can only imagine (don’t they wear uniforms?). There were fireworks, festive parades & musical jubilees celebrating inside my mind, keeping me from saying anything that particularly mattered or made much sense. We talked for what was probably hours but seemed like minutes, gazing into the sky & pointing out constellations, much to each others' delight. Over the course of this I inched as close as I could to her, respectfully keeping my hands to myself but still able to feel her sweet warmth against me. It seemed like I had known her for years. She was my beautiful woman-shepherd into the valley of light from the cold yet complacently lonely & cynical person I had become over the years. That being said, there was a lingering doubt in my mind that this could last for very much longer, let alone the forever I hoped it could. Each of her words left me voraciously wanting the next. I was falling for her faster & harder by every passing second, by every word & breath that danced its lovely way from her vermillion border into my ceaselessly wanting ears. I wanted more than anything to kiss her… exponentially more than I've ever wanted to kiss anyone, ever! I know, crazy right? But she was different…
The night had turned into early morning, and time came for this honey fed angel to find her wings & shoes for the trip back to Heaven. We helped each other off of the trampoline & proceeded into the kitchen's fluorescent glow. Still enamored by her words, I watched as she kneel down to put on her shoes. She did some magical things with straps & hair… then it happened.
Something that no amount of strategic preparation or training could have readied me for…
Our eyes met & locked…
My heart dropped to the floor…
And I nearly died.
Nothing could leave my mouth… not a sound, not a breath. I may have said “Bye” or something else completely platitudinous, but I don’t recall. She leaned forward to give me a free hug. I took her up on the offer. There was nothing better than putting my arms around her. Once again I felt the most wonderful feeling I had felt in years… possibly the best feeling in my entire life. My head was swimming in a radiance unlike any other, vaguely reminiscent of the Christmas morning childhood glow, so overwhelmed by everything and not knowing what to do with all the squares covered in so much shiny paper & bows. The hug was a quick one. By the time I could figure out what had just been done to my soul, she was out the door.
I was saying “bye, see you soon” to her, completely oblivious to the fact that I had not invested this experience together into future experiences together. I should have asked for her phone number. So careless of me not to ‘network’ or ‘friend her’ [via social networking], I was left with my own thoughts: “You’ll never see her again”. When that realization found its way into my head my heart sank once again, this time not stopping at my feet... but burrowing to a place deep beneath the ground. Through the horror, I thought to myself “wow, you really messed up big time. You really messed this up. How could you do this? That was your last chance…”
The few remaining people in the room expressed their disapproval of my actions, or lack thereof… I was frantic to find a solution. How would I ever see her again? Did I say something wrong? Would she even want to talk to me again? Was she not in to me, therefore not asking for my phone number? I was positive there was nothing dumber I could have done.
Later on into the wee-er hours of the morning, there was little else on my mind. She was my only thought as I paced the entire surface area of my bedroom several times over… each and every thought passing through my head were of her smile, her laugh, her kind words & sense of humor… the inimitable feeling that only looking into her eyes could bring me... she was without a doubt unlike any other person I had ever met before. I was changed forever... and it seemed that I had no way to contact her...
But just a few days later I was able to get her phone number through a friend (Chelsea Wells, new mommy).
And the rest has been history… today is our 4th Halloween together and we look forward to many, many more!
Suggested listening while reading or driving anything: Balmorhea
