At first this new role was a piece of cake. I don't know what happen, but everything got a lot harder.
I've been struggling with my identity. I no longer know who I am. I've lost the old me. I was prepared for this, I knew it would happen, I just didnt' know how hard it would be.
I no longer seem to laugh or even make jokes, and sarcasm is my thing! Worst of all, I have lost my sweetness.
Dave has always been able to easily squeeze out that sweetness and those laughs in me but now once he gets home all I'm thinking about is handing over the baby and running for the door. Just to get a breath. I feel so bad. I swore to myself I would not be that girl, but here I am. Lost and lost my mind.
Staying at home all day doesn't help and now on top of everything my milk supply has dramatically decreased. Everyone said that nursing is hard the first couple weeks and a lot of women give up but I had no idea how hard it would be. I've never taken on a responsibility this difficult.
Owyn is having some serious gas problems and is becoming very fussy over it so I have changed my entire diet. All I ate is fruit veggies and meat- if it's dinner. No mexican, no chocolate, not a lot of dairy. At least it's help me get my body back in shape. Ive also had to add lactate supporting herbs and acidophiles to the everyday DHA and daily vitamin.
Sleep doesn't happen that often anymore. Another great word of advise I seem to hear ofter from others, "sleep when he sleeps". Yeah right. Did these people breast feed? Did they try to keep their house clean? If this kid falls asleep I'm either cleaning up after the messes I made while he was awake, pumping, or trying to do homework. Most days I do not get a nap. Dave has been back to work for 2 weeks now and I have only napped about 4 of those days.
Everything will fall into place soon- I hope. I've been learning a lot and still have a lot more to figure out.
Until then this is me and this is my life.
Thanks to everyone for their support. And thank you for the offers to help take Owyn off my hands so I can rest but I really have to get this milk supply problem solved before handing him over.
XOXO
